May 2, 2014

Smith Rock and something about my fears

Let's talk about bravery today. Do you consider yourself brave? What do we actually know about that?

I used to be this kind of a person who always thought that nothing would ever happen to me. At some point I felt kind of immortal, like there is no way anything could ever make me disappear of even get hurt. It also affected my life-views, when in school and at work I'd always be fighting for truth. I'd never be scared to stand out and speak up and make sure that everything becomes fair and right.
For some reason recently this feeling has been fading away, as if I've started to actually believe that I'm not that fearless. That I'm also a human being and just like with every other humans in this world, something might happen to me also.
I must admit, I hate this feeling as it makes me feel this  annoying discomfort, as if I'm not in my element anymore.

And you are wondering, why is she talking about her fears? It's because I feel that instead of hiding it all in my head I must expose them and probably talk to a few people. What do you think, am I brave still even if I'm scared?

That day we went to the Smith Rock - gorgeous "Valley of the Dinosaurs", like I always call that in my head. It's so peaceful and calming, where you forget about technology and the existence of the modern world. And besides the wonderful trails to hike this is one of the top destinations for the world-class climbing.
I used to climb at the gym twice a week when I lived in Moscow two years ago. I've never been afraid of heights and I always felt secure, as long as you do everything right of course.
But this year for some reason the thought of going on to the real rock terrifies me. It became out of my comfort zone. And I'm trying to figure out what am I scared of now? I know how climbing works, I know that I'll be safe, but something inside me stops from putting the gear on right away.

Now I think that true bravery is about overcoming your fear, because in the end of the way everyone is scared... right?

xx Sonichka

No comments:

Post a Comment